Brian, Feature, keeper

Going Out of Business! Sale! Everything Must Go!

I went to Borders today to see what kind of loot I could gather up before their big ship quickly went under. I found a few good finds: The Informers by Bret Easton Ellis and The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2010 edited by Dave Eggers. But the real reason I went was to see what it looks like when a big-time corporation dies. That’s really why anybody was in the store. Sure, you could say they were there for cheap books and half priced calendars, but that’s just a front to watch a bit of America burn away. Any store could have a sale, 50% off everything, and people would undoubtedly show up, but not like this. There were droves of people. People who didn’t even buy anything. Just standing around, looking at the carnage. Us Americans, we’re tickled by failure. We love to watch a high profile celebrity crash and burn. We’re thrilled when a hated sports rival loses. It’s no different when a company fails.

This dude doesn't even work at Borders, yet he's toting a sign.

Going out of business!

Everything MUST go!

Boom. People. By the soccer mom van-fuls. Snapping pictures of the barren rafters. Flinging books all over the place. Smiles on all their faces.

What’s funny about this? I can relate it to fantasy baseball. Trust me, everything can be related back to fantasy sports.

And here it is: if you’re in a keeper/dynasty league, please look for that team that is going out of business. That team that’s been hanging near the bottom of the standings all year. There’s no chance this team makes the playoffs. Offer them a trade. Give them a slue of mediocre keepers for their best keeper. Take advantage of them. They’re dying! Rape and pillage! Set their village on fire.

And you will be able to do this because everything must go.


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